Insight

GodDammit, I'm tired.

On nights again. Out shifts always seem to be unpredictable; predictably unpredictable? I don't know. Either way, I'm all over the shop, and it makes it difficult to keep up. I begin to see why shift workers kill themselves so often. Our staff numbers seem to be forever shrinking. I'm not sure it's any easier for the bosses, but...

Tonight I'm doubling up with another middle grade. I don't like it. I prefer working alone, or with a regular 'team'. This is a kind of babysitting, allowing my colleague to ease int nights. I guess it's a test of my higher management skills. I think I'm failing.

We never eased into nights. Maybe we should?

Working with another is fine, but in case of banditry... I dunno.

This, of course, is compounded by my growing concern that I am not doing my job very well any more. I have always struggled with the extra-clinical work. I really don't care about research, and struggle to keep up. I enjoy teaching, but find it hard to find, or make time, to do the students justice.

But know, I'm wondering whether I'm cutting it clinically. I've always had faith in my own ability, bordering on the arrogant. I'm not so sure any more. It's all very well bemoaning bandits, and the poor quality of medical training these days, but it needs to be backed up by actually being good at one's job. I think I was...

Time to try harder?