Sunday, December 16, 2007

More Melancholia

There follows naught but non-medical jib. Those not interested in the maudlin naval gazing of a small fungus, best look away now.

I am in particularly bleak mood. There are, I'm sure, a number of reasons for his. There always are.

Whenever I feel like this, I get the urge to bloggin'. It often doesn't last, and I let it slide. I do not know if that's for the best or not. We may go some way to finding out in the next few minutes. Anything can happen in the next half hour?

A busy-ish weekend, but still so much to do. I spend a lot of time griping about the passing of time, and how old I feel. If you're older than me, that'll seem ludicrous. Younger... just wait. I feel it in my nights more than anything. I used to do whole weekends on call, Friday Morning to Monday Evening, with whatever sleep we could snatch. Actually, with two of us on the house, we'd be guaranteed at least one decent night's sleep, so it wasn't bad at all. Even a few years ago, I could do four nights, or five, and g out at the end of them; lead a productive day, and fall blissfully asleep in synch.

Now...

Two, or three, and I'm finished. Worked Wednesday and Thursday; tried to stay up Friday, but fell asleep. Managed a few hours then dragged meself out to see The Girl's play. An ambitious reworking of Marat/Sade. Beautiful and talented. I continue intoxicated. Dinner afterwards with her folks who'd come to see the play too. A good sign? On balance, not, it would seem.

Anyway, I woke at 3. This often happens to me now after nights, but I could not get back to sleep. These days I interpret this as a symptom of low grade depression. I'm tired but my mind won't let me sleep, and I sit, or toss and turn, or pace. All miserably.

I eventually got back to sleep around 8, meaning to get up for 10, and go shopping. When I finally surfaced at 4, it was time to go see some old friends of mine. One bright moment in my fundament. More insomnia was to follow, but at least I managed shopping today.

I can only hope sleep will not evade me this evening. Work awaits, and that usually centres me.

1 comment:

Chrysalis Angel said...

I detest insomnia. Although now, I can sit in front of a fully lit tree in the quiet morning hours and think.
There is something about the twinkling of lights and the quiet darkness that can be comforting. Hugs to you Shroom. I hope you get rested too.