Monday, April 21, 2008

Buried Alive In The Blues

Another Monday after nights, another bout of insomnia.

I'm on an education day today, so non-clinical... supposed to be in work anyway, but since I've been awake all night (pacing, mostly) and the wonders of the Internet envelop my house, I've kinda taken an executive decision to stay at home. I imagine I'll get a bollicking for it, but what can ye do?

In fact I'm becoming mildly concerned about my inability to adjust from nights, which seems to be getting worse weekly, but not sure what i can do, without resorting to pills - either sleepers to send me into the arms of Morpheus, or some sort of upper to get me goin' in the morning. I am reluctant to go down this road... so i guess I'll just have to slug it out. Ain't that so?

(Etymology note - I think 'ain't' dates from early 18th Century English, exported to the Americas. I have it in mind that it was used throughout the classes until popularised by e.g Dickens in the 19th Century, and vulgarised...)

The Department continues busy... we move onward, ever onward and upward. BBP has suggested we're getting extra staff, footprint and cash. I'll believe it when I see it. On a personal note, I need to overcome my Resus addiction. My minors experience is suffering. But I can't help it... I am, unashamedly, an adrenaline junkie.

Sometimes, it seems genuinely hard to get out; but I guess that's always the way of addiction. I need to trust the SHOs a bit more.

Achieved highs and lows last week:

Highs

---Having staff ask me for 'second opinions' on my colleagues cases... while it rankles a bit - it is a bit disrespectful - it at least means they trust me, which helps my psyche at a time when I'm feeling like my ability is being called into question.

---Treating a young lad presenting de novo in DKA, and having him give me a sticker to say thanks. (It read 'Please hug me, I've been brave'. No-one hugged me. They knew I hadn't really been brave)

Lows

--- Accidentally squirting ethyl chloride into the eye of one of my SHOs. It's all funny until someone gets hurt... how right they are. Sorry

---Blowing my top in a most childish manner. Shouting at all and sundry ain't cool, and i think I'm lucky enough to have enough credit at the Nurse Bank that they have accepted my apology. Maybe. Sorry, again.

I also had a pretty good run personally. For the record, she ain't in Cleveland. That was just an example, back-linking to a previous post. I do have an old friend in Cleveland, a high-falutin' gas-passer, but fate has seen fit to throw me together with someone a lot closer.

They know who they are, and that's pretty much all I can say, really.

Le silence du p'tit singe.

2 comments:

NursieDoll said...

Your ability is only being called into question by those who are threatened by the way you work as it is out there, outside the 'norm' and your rapport with patients and the team seems astounding.

As long as you get the job done does it really matter the process one took to get to the outcome?

Chrysalis Angel said...

Just popping in to say hello and read. Hope you get some sleep.