Sunday, June 06, 2010

On Making Room

Made a new friend this weekend. I haven't decided on a name for her yet. I mean, I know her name; I'm just not sure of a blog name...

Anyway, we spent a long time discussing her father; he was a big man in the world of medicine, and an even bigger man in her life. I sympathise. I share her feelings, except my dad is still alive.

I advanced the theory that what our parents have to do is make room for us, give us the world, give us our own time. Maybe this is selfish. My dad, and mum, are still here; but I know they'll go sometime, maybe even soon. I hope not... but it has to happen, doesn't it?

We all have to make room at some time.


anji said...

It's a hard topic, eh? When it's near and dear, close to heart.

I spoke with my mom this week about her boyfriend, who's 11 years older than she and not in great shape. Have you thought about it? Have you any idea what you would do?

She hasn't. She's no idea.

Reality sucks sometimes. But... at the same time, 'making room' is almost fitting too... I know she loves him but at the same time, if/when he passes, she'll be having to make some big changes in her life... some good, some bad, some terrific. Going home would be a good start, to family and friends once more.


Anonymous said...

mmm just watched my dad die the last few days

the crapest days of my life

the death cert will say "prostate cancer" but up close and personal its obvious he really died of dehydration caused by drugs preventing him drinking and no IV fluids, yes I was a knowing observer to this but im rethinking my views on much of this

im not convinced the way we treat our dying folk is acceptable, the pretence that he died naturally when in practise the timing was selected with precision by the medical team

less than impressed to find a nurse can certify a death these days (sure he will get a second look over by a doc after he has already been in a fridge a few days, if he wasnt dead when he was put in the fridge he sure will be by the end!)

and death by dehydration while on a morphine pump and sedation is not the rosy "died peacefully at home" bollocks we all kid ourselves, it was clear to me even in his last hours my dad knew when i was sitting next to him, sure drugs may have prevented him showing signs of distress but it sure cannot have been all that peaceful for him, and it wasnt peaceful watching

but you know i reflect at just how crap the nhs is, to have left him to die after early diagnosis over a long period when early intervention would have been routine in the rest of the western world with nothing but pain relief, its not medicine its butchery

so many thanks to the hard working GPs, the hard working local and hospice nurses, thanks to everyone at the hospice, but to everyone at the local general hospital you make me sick - the consultants should hang their heads in shame the shit level of care frankly shooting them would be too good for them