Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Superstition

Unsettled.

This was my overwhelming feeling heading into work.

This evening saw my first on call as a Consultant, as the man with the whom the buck really does stop. While I've done plenty of shifts as the senior doc on the floor, there's always been someone else to call; and now that someone would be me.

This in itself might have unsettled me, but I was unfortunate enough to see a cat get hit by a car on the way to work. I've seen tings die before, even hit and killed a deer myself, but this was as distressing a thing as I've seen. The poor beast had clearly not been killed outright, and performed the most awful convulsive dance on the road, leaping about, in an effort perhaps to get away from the terrible pain it must have been in.

It lasted just a minute, but felt longer, and left a pall over me that I just couldn't shake off; it's funny, I guess, what strikes deep, pierces defences we spend so much time erecting.

5 comments:

Chrysalis Angel said...

Such a sad thing to witness. The poor thing.

anji said...

This happened to me a few years ago, before I even had my own car. I was biking to work... and witnessed a chipmunk get run over... just his back end... his little front end, kept trying to walk and walk and walk, to get away. God, even now it bothers me. Fortunately, another car soon came and took him out of his misery. But, it's one of those things you can't erase seeing.

The fortunate part for both you and I, is that it DOES still bother us.

I worry for those, that don't.

When that happens, is when one should worry about oneself.

:(

RD said...

I have this feeling often. I think there is a clock in my brain. It says, "It's been along time since some terrible has happened. Is it going to occur tonight? Tomorrow? Soon?

Anonymous said...

Well done for making Consultant, good luck in your new role.

Jeannette said...

Very moving. Actually, only the sort of description you described of the poor, unfortunate feline could be provided as such - someone who has gone through the motions many a time with actual human patients, but this one time - and for the most part, you ponder why, of all times, did this grip you like it did? It certainly struck you to your core, which is pretty cool, because it shows you still care, amongst having a solidified front when being that figure of such high esteem (senior)and still being able to hold it together. It was a situation out of your control, the beast in pain that you made good empathetic judgement ...