Friday, May 04, 2007

The Lonesome Death Of Hattie Carroll

Well, I've moved hospitals... this is in general a pain in the arse, for a whole host of reasons. This is what I wanted to blog about, for want of a better, more pertinent thing.

But today I had some bad news... The details should remain obscure. Although it's my bad news, as it were, it belongs to other people more than it does me; and they have no real desire to see it plastered over here. Suffice to say it has knocked me for six a little.

Pain sure brings out in the best in people, doesn't it? Thus spake the philosopher Zimmerman. I'm not sure he was right. I guess it focuses everyone. When something like this happens, you wonder. Is this my fault? Could I have done something different, something that would have made a difference? I think the answer is mostly "no"; but I wonder... it continues to show my selfish side to the max.

This is someone else's pain, and around it are circles of despair, each one a little further removed from the next. Where mine is depends on who's pain it was to start with. I know it's not about me, but somehow I still find a way to make it about me.

Time after time, I have put things off, signing up to the theory of 'there's always more time'
I'm sure you all know it, but usually there isn't. Right now, I have never felt more regret for the lazy way I have abandoned my life for my work. Somehow it feels like I have abandoned more than just my own...

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